


if i fall behind, it is you i'll find

by sweggscellent



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweggscellent/pseuds/sweggscellent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows Gino loves him, but sometimes (frequently), Suzaku wonders why. He’s not touchy, he doesn’t like cuddling, he’s grouchy almost all the time--</p><p>  <i>Gino, 11:51 pm: babe?</i><br/><i>Suzaku, 11:51 pm: I’m fine.</i></p><p>And he always does <i>this</i> shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i fall behind, it is you i'll find

Suzaku can’t focus.

Lelouch had dragged him to this stupid frat party with little explanation, only stating that it “would be fun,” and that, “Gino will be there!”.

He’d never asked why Lelouch always wanted to go to these things though, because he’d probably end up with more questions than answers. But Suzaku had agreed, dragging his chemical engineering homework along with him, because he hated these types of things and figured if he was sitting on a couch with notebooks full of chemical equations scattered around him, he’d be less likely to be bothered.

He was right, mostly. But now he’s sitting here, staring down hard at a lined page filled neatly with notes and complicated math, and he can’t fucking focus and it has absolutely nothing to do with the pounding music or the sweaty bodies grinding around him.

Suzaku keeps glancing up to the tall blond across the room, laughing so loudly Suzaku can hear him even from his spot on the couch, standing too close to Kallen and telling too many jokes.

It’s not like Suzaku to be jealous. He knows Gino doesn’t flirt intentionally and that it’s in his nature to touch and make his friends laugh, but it still makes him unreasonably insecure, jealousy burning like poison in his gut.

It’s not really fair. Gino had approached him when he first got here, sitting close enough to Suzaku that their thighs pressed together warmly, leaning into his space and murmuring that he was glad to see him. But Suzaku was grumpy because he hated parties and he hated Gino’s popularity and had mumbled that he just wanted to be left alone, and Gino had graciously given him that, kissing his cheek and telling him to text him if he needed anything before he got up and left because Gino was understanding and considerate and fucking perfect.

But still, Suzaku sits on this threadbare couch with his ridiculously difficult homework, silently seething and resenting the fact that he can feel it every time Gino throws a concerned glance his way. Lelouch has long since gone missing, too, wandered off into some upstairs room with a boy Suzaku didn’t recognize, and so Suzaku can do nothing but sit here with his unfinished homework and wait for someone to approach him.

After ten minutes of staring at the same problem, though, Suzaku finally packs up his things and leaves. When he casts a final glance at his boyfriend, Gino isn’t looking in his direction and his left hand is brushing Kallen’s waist, and Suzaku doesn’t let himself feel bad for leaving without a goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Just minutes after Suzaku has closed the notebook full of his finished engineering homework, his phone vibrates.

_Gino, 11:42 pm: babe, where are you? did you leave???_

Suzaku stares down at the words, debating on if he wants to respond or if he should let his boyfriend suffer.

Finally, he taps out a reply.

_Suzaku, 11:44 pm: I left. Wasn’t feeling well._

_Gino, 11:44 pm: do you want me to come by? :(_

Suzaku frowns, irritated with Gino’s concern, with his amicability.

_Suzaku, 11:46 pm: No. Enjoy yourself._

_Gino, 11:47 pm: are you sure? it’s no problem, really!! i’m worried about you :(_

Suzaku’s frown deepens. Gino doesn’t know it, doesn’t mean to, but he always manages to make Suzaku feel so inadequate, so… undeserving. Gino could literally have anyone in the entire school if he wanted to, and instead he got stuck with the grumpy, brooding brunet that takes his studies too seriously and always wants to be left alone.

He knows Gino loves him, but sometimes (frequently), Suzaku wonders why. He’s not touchy, he doesn’t like cuddling, he’s grouchy almost _all the time--_

_Gino, 11:51 pm: babe?_

_Suzaku, 11:51 pm: I’m fine._

And he always does _this_ shit. He manages to get upset over some innocuous thing, like Gino’s innocent flirting (and Gino has explained before, a thousand times, that he doesn’t even know he’s flirting when he does it), like his popularity (and it’s not like popularity is a bad thing, and even if it was, Gino can’t help being likable), like the fact that he’s in love with Suzaku (what the fuck?), and he shoves Gino away, even though all he ever really wants is to bring him closer.

It’s a miracle that after three months of this garbage, Gino still hasn’t dumped him.

And it’s at that moment that the handle to Suzaku’s bedroom door turns slowly, and Gino tentatively peeks his head in.

Suzaku really doesn’t deserve him.

“Hey,” Gino says, softer than usual. His mood seems subdued, though not dulled. Forever a ray of sunshine.

“Hi,” Suzaku says flatly. His eyes stray down to the cover of his notebook.

The door clicks quietly shut and Suzaku feels the bed dip, Gino’s presence warm and solid beside him.

Gino waits it out, like he’s trained himself to do. He’s good at knowing when people are upset. He’s not so great at figuring out why.

“Why do you bother with me?” Suzaku says despondently after a while, smoothing a hand against the front of his notebook to give his fingers something to do.

“What?” Gino asks, and Suzaku can feel the way Gino’s eyes widen in surprise, the concerned and curious tilt of his head.

“You flirt all the time with other people,” Suzaku mumbles, and immediately feels bad about the words, because he knows this is more about himself than Gino and they’ve had this conversation a million times. Gino knows that too, though, and doesn’t have to respond.

“I’m me,” Suzaku says lamely, attempting to backtrack.

“Yeah,” Gino replies, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like he’s missing the point.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Suzaku echoes, and he can feel the anger starting to bubble up. “I’m me. I’m grumpy, and everything you do bothers me even though it shouldn’t, and I’m boring, and I never let you hold my hand, and just. Just. Why? Why bother with all of that?”

He looks up finally, and it looks like Gino is trying to smile but won’t let himself.

“I like all of that about you,” Gino says, again, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And now Suzaku feels like _he’s_ the one missing the point.

“What?”

“I like that you’re grumpy. I like that I bother you, because it means you care.” Suzaku wants to tear his hair out at that, shout that it doesn’t make sense. But he lets Gino continue. “I think you’re perfect. And you _do_ let me hold your hand. You let me hold you even when you don’t want it. You let me come into your room and sit with you while you’re doing all of this self-deprecating bullshit.”

Suzaku feels utterly disarmed, the fire and intensity from before having been snuffed out to nothing with Gino’s words. He wants to respond, but he can’t find the words to respond with.

“Everyone else _lets_ me flirt with them. You’re a challenge. You… complement me? That sounds corny as hell,” Gino laughs, and it makes Suzaku smile the smallest bit. Gino grins even wider. “And you smile when I say stupid stuff. I love making you smile.”

Suzaku smiles a little wider too, but it’s still subdued, unsure. When Gino pulls him into his lap, Suzaku lets himself be maneuvered until his head is cradled against the blond’s collarbone and Gino slowly wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s thin waist.

“I just feel like a waste of time,” Suzaku whispers finally, that heaviness weighing hard on him. He sighs deeply.

“You’re never a waste of my time,” Gino responds quickly, fiercely, pushing Suzaku back and putting his hands on the sides of the older boy’s face to reel him back in. “You are _never_ a waste of my time.”

Suzaku can’t meet Gino’s earnest blue eyes, keeps his own downcast. He knows that Gino knows he feels bad for even needing to have this conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Suzaku whispers finally. He brings his hands up to curl gently around Gino’s wrists, thumbs brushing over the smooth skin covering his veins.

He allows himself to be pulled in until Gino’s mouth is pressed gently against his own, and it’s not until Suzaku feels the blond voluntarily breathing the same air he is, feels his thumbs brush gently over his cheekbones, that Suzaku finally, for now, lets himself relax in the knowledge that he is wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> i've got [friends](https://twitter.com/eggsceptional) in [low places](http://trashcollect.tumblr.com)


End file.
